just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
