Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
