and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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