I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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