Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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