I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
