I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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