life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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