I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
