"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
