Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
