you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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