He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
