the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
