Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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