Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
