I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
