I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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