Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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