your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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