I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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