Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
