Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your cock deserves a montage
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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