i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
