doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
