Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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