Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
