HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Randomize
