I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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