Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
