Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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