i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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