I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
