Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
