She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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