Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
