you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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