There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
