i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
