Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
