so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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