did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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