You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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