The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am available for nakedness
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
