He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
