I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
