I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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