Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
