i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
false alarm, still single
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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