dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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